Are you, Are you
by Pinklove21
Summary: Very dark and sad oneshot. Katniss feels like part of her is missing, and she knows that part of her is Gale. Haymitch tells her where Gale really is-how will she react?


**Very dark piece-don't know what else to say about it. I actually cried when writing it, and it came to me as I was listening to The Hanging Tree by District Tribute (Instrumental-check it out) Anyway, hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I would claim to own the Hunger Games if it had a lot more Galeniss in it.**

* * *

"Where's Gale?" I ask Greasy Sae, the first thing I've said in probably two days. I know I shouldn't but I need to know. After all, he was my best friend-he might still be, I haven't quite figured out how that works when I don't know where he is. He might have even been more if it weren't for the bomb…

She looks at me a bit surprised, but that might just be because I've actually spoken aloud. "District 2-got some fancy job. See him on television every now and then." she tells me.

"Oh." I reply softly, saying nothing more. I know we left things badly, but I feel like a part of me is missing. I don't know if I could ever bring myself to talk or see him again after that bomb, but it's good to at least know.

* * *

Six Months Later

Peeta has been back for a few months, and he even planted primroses for me. I actually got a shower and brushed my hair for the first time since I came back when he planted them, and I actually look halfway human now. Peeta doesn't push things; he knows I'm still mourning all the dead and gone, especially Prim. I talked to my mother on the phone and we cried together about Prim, but you might as well count her in my mourning as well, because she will never come back to District 12. I've even talked to Johanna and Annie. But there's one person I can't bring myself to talk to…

I go to our rock every now and then, and close my eyes wishing he would silently appear just like he did so many times before; he never does. I feel, especially here in our place, that a part of me is missing. I know what the name of that missing piece is. I know what I can do to fill it. I just can't bring myself to do it somehow.

I fall asleep on the soft grass of our place one day and I dream of that missing piece. He doesn't say anything, just smiles at me and reaches his hand out for mine. I feel a dire need to take his hand, but a snap of a twig wakes me before I can. At first I irrationally think it's _him_ but it's just a rabbit. Too bad I didn't bring my bow; he could have made a nice supper as part of one of Greasy Sae's soups.

I sigh and walk silently home, only thinking of that missing piece of me. The urge to fill that hole is having such and immediately heavy crushing weight that I know I need to suck it up and go see him. I need to fix this or I'm not going to be able to move on with my life. I don't think Peeta would have any information on where he is, but I bet Haymitch would; he always seems to know everything. I walk right into his house without knocking (we are way past knocking anyway) and go to the table where I'm certain he's sleeping. Surprisingly, he isn't.

He looks at me and grunts "What do you want sweetheart?"

"I…I need to see him." I stutter and gulp out his name, "Gale. Do you have his address in District 2?"

Haymitch stares at me long and hard, and I swear I see regret pass through his eyes. But he doesn't respond, just goes to the counter and shuffles through a mountain of papers before he finds the one he's looking for, I'm assuming Gale's address. He stares me down as he walks back over to me, and sighs as he hands it to me. To my surprise it doesn't have an address, it's only addressed Catnip on the label.

"What's this?" I ask, confused.

"He wrote you a letter. Sit down and read it." Haymitch tells me. I ignore the first part of his request and rip the letter open where I stand.

_Catnip,_

_I'm so sorry for everything. I loved Prim like a sister, still do. But I know you will never forgive me, not that it will really matter for much longer. I... I know Peeta will look after you, and he loves you. Just remember that I will always love you-not even death will change that. I promise to give Prim and your father your love when I see them very soon._

_I love you, _

_Gale _

By the time I get to the last few lines I'm going into shock and tears are spilling on the paper, my hands trembling constantly.

Haymitch sighs again, but he almost forces himself to tell me. "He tried to shoot you when you screamed for him at the execution. He was shot by someone who was trying to save you from him. He wrote this in his last few minutes and asked me to give it to you."

Wha-at. No…he can't be…no. no. "No!" I shriek, and collapse to the floor sobbing and gasping for air. I should have known that missing piece was so much more. I felt a part of me missing then too, but I just assumed it was a relapse of grief for Prim. Gale was that piece, but the missing part was so much more. Why did everyone lie to me? Why did no one tell me the truth? _Because Gale was the one who would never hide things from you, no matter how bad._ But Gale's not here. He's…he's… gone.

I stay on Haymitch's floor for two days, either curled up in a fetal position or laying on the floor letting what seems to be a never ending supply of tears fall in a puddle. I ignore Haymitch's attempts to get me to move, ignore Peeta's comforting gestures of rubbing my back or smoothing my hair. I feel dead. I feel like there really is no point to living anymore. I've lost so many I can't count. My mother is gone, working so hard as to not be overcome by grief. Prim is dead. And Gale…

He was right; I would choose the person I couldn't survive without. When he said that it sounded cold, like I would only think of survival. But as I lay here on the floor, not even trying to stop myself from drowning in my immense pain and lost will to live, I know he was right; I was just too late to see what he really meant. Now of course that it's too late, I realize I love Gale. I realize that he's that missing piece of me, because we were just two parts of the same being-when he died, part of me died as well. I know I will never be the same, and I don't think I want to be. I can't survive this; it's too much to bear. How can you survive when so much of you doesn't exist anymore?

I can't.

When I finally decide what to do, then and only then do I slowly get myself up from Haymitch's floor. I go home where Peeta looks at me in relief, and sit down at the table. He places bread and soup in front of me to eat, but I push it away. He frowns, disappointed, but doesn't push me. We go up to bed and I wait to make sure that he's truly asleep before I gently get out of bed as to not wake him before going downstairs. I gather the few things I'll need, and leave him a short note. I know this will crush him, but I'm so far past living that I can't bring myself to care. I'm already dead inside.

I go to our place and wait there for dawn to roll in, to watch the beautiful sunrise like so many other days that we would witness its beauty in this very spot. As the last shades of gray begin to disappear, I quickly tie the rope I brought, a ghost of a smile on my face. He would like that; he was always a genius with snares. I tie it a branch of a willow tree and climb up to that branch and pull up the dangling end, placing the loop around my neck. As the first rays of sunshine begin to shine through the trees, I close my eyes and think of all the people I've lost. The people I will soon see again, and I hum The Hanging Tree in my head as I think of them.

_Are you, are you coming to the hanging tree?_

Dad

_Where the dead man called out for his love to flee_

Rue

_Stranger things did happen here_

Boggs

_No stranger would it be_

Finnick

_If we met up at midnight in the Hanging Tree_

Prim

_Maybe I'll be like that man in the Hanging Tree…still waiting for an answer._

Gale-I have your answer.

I see him much like in my dream, smiling and holding out his hand for me to take. I smile back at him-he always said that I only smile in the woods. As I entwine my fingers in his, I let go of life and fall into his waiting arms, where everyone I love who is gone like me is waiting with smiles on their faces to greet me as I kiss the man I love.

* * *

I get up with the sun like usual, and I wonder where Katniss has gone. I know I should have told her, I knew it would be hard for her to know that her best friend was dead, but I didn't think it would be quite that bad. She didn't move for two days, staying on Haymitch's disgusting floor and sobbing or curled up on herself. I was glad she finally came back last night, but I hate that she didn't eat. Her expression, her entire being looked well, like she wasn't there. Her grey eyes looked dead, like they had given up. I'm going to have a lot of work to do to get her better. But I can do it, I know I can make her better. Patience is something I don't lack, and I'm willing to let her grow to love me. It could take years with all her grief and loss, but I know it will happen eventually-we will just have to keep trying and find a new way for her to deal with the pain. As the sun rises, I smile like I always do at a beautiful new day, and my eye catches something on the table-a note. She must have gone to the woods-for that was there place, and it might be the best place to grieve him. I take the note in my hand and as I look at the mere eight words, I know she just shattered my heart into a million pieces.

_I know who I can't survive without now._


End file.
